I went to Auschwitz on Friday. It was a difficult place to see. I had been anticipating this portion of the trip in a way I have never anticipated anything before. The entire reason we added Krakow to our trip was because it would allow us to go to Auschwitz. As soon as we booked our tickets, I began to think about what it would be like. I was looking forward to it, but not in the way you look forward to something that would be fun. I knew that I would see horrible things, but a part of me wanted to go. I can’t totally describe this feeling, but I would have been far more disappointed if this portion of my break were cancelled. As a person, and especially as a Jew, it felt right to acknowledge those atrocities in person.
If you don’t want to read further, I understand. There is nothing “nice” about what I’m about to write. I need to write about it somewhere though.
Our tour began at Auschwitz I, the original camp. It was a small portion of the camp, but it housed most of what we saw. It consists of rows of brick buildings, which were either overcrowded with prisoners or used for other means. We were taken first through a building that detailed the living conditions the prisoners had to endure. These were, of course, terrible. The rooms were cramped, unsanitary, and lacked the remotest semblance of comfort. They were not livable conditions.
From there, we went to a different building that detailed what the Nazis took from the people in the camp. This was the first time Auschwitz really got to me. I had been expecting to cry. I had assumed that it would happen, and I had no intentions of holding back. I didn’t cry though. The first room we walked into had hair behind a glass wall. The Nazis shaved everyone when they entered the camp, and I had assumed that this was a representation of that practice. It wasn’t. It was real hair. They had retained thousands of pounds of women’s hair. Sixty years later, it was on the other side of the glass from me, and I got nauseous. I had to turn away and keep moving. It was a terrible realization, for so many reasons. The fact that it was real greatly bothered me.
The next few rooms echoed that theme. One room was stacked with glasses. Another had combs. One had shoes. These were all items that prisoners had brought with them to the camp, and remain there to this day. A larger room contained the suitcases of the victims. The Nazis had instructed them to pack their luggage in a specific manner. The Nazis told them that they were going to be relocated to another city where jobs were waiting for them. Seeing these suitcases, which for some had been filled with the promise of a new life only hours before they died, was chilling.
In the next room, there were Zyklon B canisters. Used Zyklon B canisters. That is the gas the Nazis used to kill their victims. I was again nauseous and had to keep moving.
The next building was devoted to the prisoners, and we walked down a hallway that was lined with their pictures. Those pictures were taken upon a prisoner’s entrance to Auschwitz. The only information below the picture was the prisoner’s name, the day they came to Auschwitz, and the day they died. No one lived very long. I didn’t see anyone who survived more than three months, and many died after a few days. As if it needed any reinforcement, this reaffirmed how dangerous and terrible Auschwitz was. In the same building, there was a map of all of the locations that Auschwitz prisoners were taken from. It was naturally focalized closer to Poland. However, prisoners were taken from as far away as Rome, Oslo, and yes, Paris. Living in Paris, this unnerved me. It seemed like, at one point, the Nazis could take people from anywhere they wanted. From there, I walked outside. Most of our group was still inside, so I looked around for a moment. We were on the edge of the camp, and there were three rows of very tall barbed-wire fences. They were electrified when the camp was operating. Resting above and outside the fences were guard towers. There was no way someone could escape from the inside of Auschwitz.
The next stop was the execution wall. It was next to the building where soldiers were tortured. This could include making them stand for days on end or a number of other tortures. The fact that they felt the need to torture the prisoners more than they already were or execute them when they were already dying surprised me. There are not words to describe how terrible they were.
From there, we went to a gas chamber. I actually stood inside a gas chamber and looked up at where the gas came from. This was surreal. It didn’t seem real. It was a simple enough building, but sixty years ago it was used to commit evil acts. I still haven’t totally digested standing there. Lying in the adjacent room were the ovens used to dispose of the bodies. Seeing them in person, and realizing that there was a hole big enough for a body to be placed through, I couldn’t handle it. I left after a few seconds. It was simply terrible.
After that, we went to Auschwitz II-Birkenau. This was the larger portion of the camp, and it was really big. It was in an open field with rows of barracks, delineated by barbed wire. The sheer size was shocking. Reconciling all of the terrible things in Auschwitz I with the size of the rest of the camp, I was again bombarded with just how despicable it was.
Everything I saw was terrible. I was well aware of what the Nazis did, but seeing evidence in person is far stronger. I am glad that I went, but I don’t want to go again. It really is a depressing place.
4/29/10
